Another week passes byug

I received my maintenance Ketamine infusion a week ago. Very Grateful to my neighbor, MaryKaye who took the time out of her life to once again, take me, and sit with me, until I was done & back to reality.  This infusion did not seem to help me so much as the ones prior.   The previous ones spiked my interest right away about arts/crafts.  This one did not see to make a Big difference.  I found myself cancelling all appointments the following week, some even medically  necessary. I stayed in the same clothes for several days and my resonance hygiene suffered greatly. I tried to find an outlet for this mood, so I became more
Involved in coloring. Joining an online “club” called “coloringbliss.com”.  I tried hard to use this, as I realize how therapeutic art can be.   Isolaxtion has truly set in, people have gone on with their lives, and that’s ok, it’s completely unxderstandable.   Friends have gone back to work, moved away,gotten, busy, or just assumed I was getting better.  Truth being, I am isolated as ever, in a very dark place emotionally and need all the help and support I can get from friends, family, and my Health Providers.   I seek opportunities to help myself, and appreciate those that stand by my side.  

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Lean on Me

I have very much appreciated everyone in my life.  Words that constantly ring in my ears are "call if you need anything".  Those are such precious words to me.  The song Lean on Me plays over and over in my head some days.  I often hear it and become tearful.  Why?  I will tell you why... When you become chronically ill, isolation just happens, you become more vulnerable for abuse, and depression, and you grieve.  Leaning on friends during this time is so important. But, where are they?  They go on with their lives, that's where they go. Most do not understand what it's like to be chronically ill.  If you try to educate them, lets say post about it on facebook, then you often get called out for "trying to get attention".  If you post about how you are feeling, you get called out for "complaining".  It's a lost battle.  People expect you to be able to do the same things you once could do.  There are very few people who understand it is difficul
Read more

Maturity

Having a great deal of maturity to handle a chronic and intractable illness is a must.  I look at some of those that surround me and just know, that I am way ahead of them in maturity level.  Maybe it's this disease, maybe it's my level of education, my values, the way I was raised. Whatever it is, I just handle things differently.  One example is social media, but that will have to be saved for a post all in itself.   Another example is responding to phone calls and text messages.  I tend to respond within a reasonable amount of time, unless I am in an appointment or sleeping, I usually answer right away.   I have had friends tell me "so sorry, I didn't get your message". Come on now, we don't live in the dinosaur age.  There is a cell tower every so many miles.  Lets get real...the reason you didn't respond is because you didn't want to go to that lunch I invited you to.  Just grow the balls to say "I am sorry, I can't or didn't want to
Read more

Starting up again

I do not know why it’s been so long since I have written.  I was in a very dark place that took months to get out of with the help and support of a good Psychiatrist and counselor.  Yes, I have been diagnosed with PTSD and depression.  Mostly from the “incident” and how significantly it has changed my life. There were days I was sleeping over 18 hours a day, not leaving the house for 3 weeks at a time.  The fatigue became so intense, once diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome by a sleep neurologist, I sought out the help of a psychiatrist.  I knew I needed one that had experience in Vicarious trauma.  Perhaps one that has worked with first responder trauma as well.  Once I found “the one” we began working together right away. Pairing me with a counselor who also works with the trauma I have experienced. I immediately was put on medication to help me stay awake, which has been beneficial, as I was unable to drive myself to appointments before never knowing when the overwhelming fatigu
Read more