A New Pair of Pants

 I haven’t written in 9 months... why?   I do not know.  Combination of many things:    Depression, and just the fact that there is no end to this.   It’s seems so negative to write all the time.   Although I know writing is therapeutic.  I see no cure in the future of Arachnoiditis, and once you have had Cauda Equina Syndrome, they can not go back and fix it.    There are stages of Arachnoiditis, mine has of course has Progressed to the worst which is Adhesive Arachnoiditis.   All of the nerve roots are clumped together in the thecal sac.  Unsure if it is impeding the cerebral spinal fluid flow yet, but could be.   Let’s not forget the Pudendal Nerve Injury.  That also can’t be “cured”.  I will be continuing with Botox  into the pelvic floor muscles as soon as Dr Hibner gets established at his new practice.  He will also order more pelvic floor therapy which I have done for 6 years.  Without it, I seem to go backward.  I do use suppositories compounded with Baclofen/Valium/Ketamine fo

Another episode on 1/28, stroke like symptoms.   I was doing well all morning, crafts for Brian and Michelle’s wedding, housework, phone calls, practicing piano.  I was signed up for an art event at the library that evening. I showered and was ready for my piano teacher to arrive.  As I went to answer the door my legs got week, could not walk straight, lightheaded and knew something was going south.  I asked her to sit with me.  I struggled speaking and dialed me husband on speaker, I then started repeating certain words “help”, “mom” “no”.   Consistent with the 2 past episodes.  I could not answer medical personnel’s questions appropriately as I would repeat and slur words.  Phil was already on his way to meet me at the hospital. EMS had me loaded up ready to go and they let my music teacher head home.  Once at Del Webb it was quite a blur.  They spoke with my neurosurgeon who was in Chandler Barrows for the next couple days and wanted me transferred there.  So by ambulance there I we

I honestly don’t know how I have made it this far.   My husband, my health providers, and those that surround me with support and love.  My health providers that I have seen on a continuous basis have been my primary Dr, Dr Rossetti, Dr Michael Hibner my pelvic pain specialist, my pelvic foot therapists, Barrows Neurosurgery, Barrows Physiology, Ian Goldman in Urology, Dr Brenda Schilk in GI, Dr Kutz and Dr Bruce Hamburg at the Core Institute for pain management who I truly believed have saved my life.  If anyone bashed their pain Docs, they aren’t following what YOU want.  You need to follow what they want and they have every best interest at heart.  I have never abused or misused my medication and I have been under pain management for 6 years.  I tend to underuse and that can send me to a very dark place.   I have a team of mental health professionals that I began seeing in 2018.  I could not spend my days sleeping anymore, I knew the trauma had overtook my brain and I needed to seek