Lean on Me
I have very much appreciated everyone in my life. Words that constantly ring in my ears are "call if you need anything". Those are such precious words to me. The song Lean on Me plays over and over in my head some days. I often hear it and become tearful. Why? I will tell you why...
When you become chronically ill, isolation just happens, you become more vulnerable for abuse, and depression, and you grieve. Leaning on friends during this time is so important. But, where are they? They go on with their lives, that's where they go. Most do not understand what it's like to be chronically ill. If you try to educate them, lets say post about it on facebook, then you often get called out for "trying to get attention". If you post about how you are feeling, you get called out for "complaining". It's a lost battle. People expect you to be able to do the same things you once could do. There are very few people who understand it is difficult for me to leave my house, the energy it takes me to get ready, the pain I feel when I physically have to move around, get dressed and presentable and if I go somewhere and to see them, I might not make it back home due to the fatigue that sets in when I am driving. I have only a handful of friends that understand this. It takes me everything I have to leave the house. Sometimes I get ready (shower/dressed) and then have to cancel because that alone wears me out. Many go about their lives after the crisis has blown over and no longer check in. I have found that my long term friends, the ones I have had for over 10 years or so, they have drifted, and thats ok. At first they made me feel as if I did something wrong, like wore them out from my medical condition. Then after sorting through that emotionally, I can not possibly help my conditions, it was not my fault, and I will not let that cause me shame/guilt. I have felt enough of that from all of this. I have been excluded from some of the invites and some have stopped texting and calling all together. I can not take that personal. It saddens me to know that I would not respond that way if the situation were in reverse, but that is who they are, not who I am. I am very blessed to have a good heart and know right from wrong. I am sure people get tired of hearing the same ole thing, but empathy is a big part of friendship and that just so happens what is going on in my life. Just as if one of them had marriage issues and I listened to them for a couple years about that, or another had issues with a teenage child for a couple rough years. Maybe one had financial issues one year and I listened with open ears. Its the same idea. They could Lean On Me.
All of the sudden, out of the woodwork, came several wonderful new friends over the summer of 2017. I honestly wouldn't have made it without them. They were there for me every step of the way. They gave me rides when I was too tired to drive, helped around my house, sat with me so I didn't have to feel "alone", helped with errands, starting playing Bunco with me, showed up to parties, called/texted to check in. This lifted my spirits and I once again felt as though I had someone to lean on. I didn't feel so isolated. Most of all they understood what I could and couldn't do. That I appreciated. I want them to know they can Lean on Me.
When you become chronically ill, isolation just happens, you become more vulnerable for abuse, and depression, and you grieve. Leaning on friends during this time is so important. But, where are they? They go on with their lives, that's where they go. Most do not understand what it's like to be chronically ill. If you try to educate them, lets say post about it on facebook, then you often get called out for "trying to get attention". If you post about how you are feeling, you get called out for "complaining". It's a lost battle. People expect you to be able to do the same things you once could do. There are very few people who understand it is difficult for me to leave my house, the energy it takes me to get ready, the pain I feel when I physically have to move around, get dressed and presentable and if I go somewhere and to see them, I might not make it back home due to the fatigue that sets in when I am driving. I have only a handful of friends that understand this. It takes me everything I have to leave the house. Sometimes I get ready (shower/dressed) and then have to cancel because that alone wears me out. Many go about their lives after the crisis has blown over and no longer check in. I have found that my long term friends, the ones I have had for over 10 years or so, they have drifted, and thats ok. At first they made me feel as if I did something wrong, like wore them out from my medical condition. Then after sorting through that emotionally, I can not possibly help my conditions, it was not my fault, and I will not let that cause me shame/guilt. I have felt enough of that from all of this. I have been excluded from some of the invites and some have stopped texting and calling all together. I can not take that personal. It saddens me to know that I would not respond that way if the situation were in reverse, but that is who they are, not who I am. I am very blessed to have a good heart and know right from wrong. I am sure people get tired of hearing the same ole thing, but empathy is a big part of friendship and that just so happens what is going on in my life. Just as if one of them had marriage issues and I listened to them for a couple years about that, or another had issues with a teenage child for a couple rough years. Maybe one had financial issues one year and I listened with open ears. Its the same idea. They could Lean On Me.
All of the sudden, out of the woodwork, came several wonderful new friends over the summer of 2017. I honestly wouldn't have made it without them. They were there for me every step of the way. They gave me rides when I was too tired to drive, helped around my house, sat with me so I didn't have to feel "alone", helped with errands, starting playing Bunco with me, showed up to parties, called/texted to check in. This lifted my spirits and I once again felt as though I had someone to lean on. I didn't feel so isolated. Most of all they understood what I could and couldn't do. That I appreciated. I want them to know they can Lean on Me.
Lori,
ReplyDeleteSweet girl! I have just finished reading your story. I am heartsick for you and what you have been through and what you continue to go through each day. My prayer for you , of course, is for complete healing, but , also, that yo may find a peace and joy in the midst of the pain. I know you are a strong person, I a glad you can be vulnerable in your writing. People will always disappoint us. I wish I was closer so I could be a part of your journey in a hands on way. Know that I pray for you often and am always here for you.
Thank you so much Lynetta. Vulnerability was a huge part of starting this writing. I knew I would open myself up to that, but that’s ok, I have been through so much pain, I can endure more if need be. I have had to stop feeling bad and apologizing for being in this position. I really appreciate your friendship over the years and I know you will always be there for me ❤️
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